I See Little People

I spoke on the phone to my dearest brother and blogspot fan Timo, who continues to thrive in Kaapstad, and he told me to please write something more cheerful!! To tell the truth, I have been a bit dry on... happy news... I was hoping to do another 'progress log' and announce that I had a bank account, a pillow...., a stable mood...., a husband... you know, that kind of stuff. Anyway, watch this space.

The light is changing and the season is definitely turning. This morning I walked to the bus stop at sunrise. It was beautiful, and the air was quiet, and I dared to think that the Lord had made the moment for me.

Work continues to be a battle to enjoy, although when I make the effort to find the treasure in my circumstances, I find myself surprised. The children - I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with them - (do I hear an amen?). My favourite part of my job is when we take them on a trip somewhere - that 20 minutes when they are sitting in the bus - STRAPPED DOWN. My next favourite part is reading and telling them stories. They love it when I tell them stories from my head, and are constantly challenging me with new topics. "Pam, tell us a story about a dragon", and then "Tell us a story about a dragon and a fairy", and then "Pam, a story about a dragon and a princess, and Batman, and horsies, AND a pirate ship". And so I do.

Scottish children are very resilient to weather, and so we still go outside as much as we can. I had to wear my big coat in the playground today - my fav Dead Poets' coat - and wee Susie asked me why I was wearing my dressing gown. Huh?

But I'm tired of the noise! And I'm tired of washing my hands at least twice an hour for reasons I won't go into right now!

I still feel pretty dead on the inside, but I do think that there is a stirring, a rustling somewhere deep down in my soul, some thoughts have surfaced recently which have surprised me. Thoughts about promises like exceedingly-abundantly-more than you can imagine (can somebody please tell me where that verse is, because I can't find it!), and thoughts about Isaiah 54. And, just when I hit a low point (ie. "I'm definitely going home NOW!"), something happens to encourage me. Sweet, sweet Zoe - all the way from Savannah, Georgia - emailed to remind me that "The Lord is your refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble".

On reflecting, I believe that the Lord is answering a prayer that I have prayed for years. He is showing me more and more of Himself. It's like I go "Why am I here? What am I supposed to be doing? Who am I anyway? What's going on?", and God is like "I won't answer those questions. I'll tell you Who I Am, and then everything else will fall into place".

An ever present help in trouble. Dare to believe it...

And He sets the lonely in families. My relationships in the team are growing stronger. I'm staying with four girls who I am slowly opening up to. His grace is taking us across cultural barriers. We had a digs meeting this evening, and ended it off with standing together in praise and prayer. [As I wrote that sentence, I thought 'exceedingly-abundantly-watchthisspace-COZ GOD IS GIVING ME FAMILY'.]

We had our first official church service on Sunday the 11th of September, with everything running with super-EveryNation excellence. You can't believe the equipment we have. We have a small sound system but a huge mixing desk, and a video projector, and Every Nation Edinburgh banners. We're meeting in a cinema - but a luxury one, so the middle section is no less than Leather Couches. We've had lots of Christian visitors so it's hard to tell about newcomers, but there have been around 7 Scots altogether in the past couple of weeks. Last week we had a bunch of people up from the London church, and they came to encourage us, and I was encouraged! I feel like London are a mother or a big sister to us, and I am so keen to get down there and visit them too! My DX group (DX is like the D (discipleship) 12 strategy except it's D-variable) met on Sunday too. Good to my soul. I love cell. And we talked evangelism, and we're talking my language... do what you gotta to get out and MAKE FRIENDS... get a job, join a dance class, a running club, do what you like to do, be yourself and connect with the nation.

I've got to go to bed. Am walking out with the sunrise tomorrow.

**Please read these lyrics. I'm living this mystery.

Faith Enough

The ice is thin enough for walkin’
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talkin’
The world is crumbling’ but I know why
The world is crumbling’ but I know why

The storm is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body frail enough for fighting
I’m home enough to know I’m lost
Home enough to know I’m lost

It’s just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It’s just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight

The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe
Enough a cynic to believe

Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
And see enough to know I’m blind
And see enough to know I’m blind

Should the world rely on faith tonight

[Jars of Clay]

Movie Review: Pride and Prejudice

So I went to the movies with my good friend Caroline. Orange Wednesday - two for the price of one - one student ticket because Caroline is a student! We watched Pride and Prejudice, although I was determined to utterly hate it. I was surprised that I actually enjoyed it! Caroline was great - she reminded me of Candace [the world's greatest movie watching bud] because she just cried the whole way through the movie.

I cringed at some of the lines, especially Lizzy's and Mrs Bennett's, because nobody could do those lines like our beloved BBC version, but loved all the extra dialogue written for the film. Especially getting to see more of Bingley's proposal to Jane. I forgave him his hairstyle and even his ridiculous giggle, but not the daft scene where he walks into Jane's bedroom when she is sick in bed in her nightgown. This is invasion of the feminine sanctuary! And just should not be done!

The music and the cinematography is beautiful. There's something about a sunrise plus a passionate declaration of love...

I think it's Autumn

I feel I have very little to say today, except that it's cold and getting colder. I had some fleeces bestowed on me by a kind South African - he was concerned that I didn't know what I was in for in the coming months!

I am working long days at the nursery, deafened by the clamour and horsened (sp?) by the scolding. I'm finding it boring... hmm... and am hoping to move to something that pays better and is not so far away. It takes me an hour to get to work, so I'm trying to get into the habit of reading my Bible on the bus.

I discovered Habukkuk the other day. You should read it!

I was thinking about how I could possibly have been more prepared for this transition and the things I've had to deal with. I came to the conclusion that the Lord knew what it was going to be like, and He is faithful. He is carrying me, and I am digging my well of strength in Him.

A Series of [?]fortunate Events

I was told that doing this would be the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. And since I have been here, I have been broke, in debt, homeless, homesick, depressed, discouraged, sick, tired, self piteous, confused, lonely, ... bespectacled (my last contact lens tore)..., and labouring under a religious idea that I'm earning God's love through all I've given up (as an enlightening phone call to London revealed - thanks Shirls!).

I have not, however, had a crush on anyone. Whew!

But this is my declaration and this will be my story!

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long, we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered'". No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

For I am CONVINCED that neither DEATH nor LIFE, neither ANGELS nor DEMONS, neither the PRESENT nor the FUTURE, nor ANY POWERS, neither HEIGHT nor DEPTH, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!"

Romans 8 v 35 - 39

Heartbreak

I've had a couple of crazy career ideas since I've been here, including joining the army and becoming a hair salon model, and I recently had a thought about becoming an ad writer (is that what they're called?).

"Kleenex. Giving you one less mess to worry about."

This came to me during a GENUINE MOMENT, so I think it's GENUINE, even though I wasn't using Kleenex at the time - I can't afford it - I was using toilet paper which makes your nose red and scratchy.

Most of my messes can be rationalised away, if it's not the middle of the night. Or prayed through, when I remember the Power Available! One I'm still working on is the itsybitsy fact that Cands and Jen and Jess and Liss and Romona and Kary and Kez and the Lowes and Tendai and everybody else are 50 million kilometres away in (or near) dearly beloved Grahamstown, and I am here.

So, in my world, puffy eyes are in, okay. You people are all so untrendy.

Oh Lord, record my lament, list my tears on your scroll - are they not in your record? Psalm 56v8

Homes Sweet Homes - Some notes of thanks

Since I've been in Edinburgh...

Vicky and Jack: I will not forget your encouragement, the Elephant House, and dancing the Gay Gordon down the street in the middle of the night, with Jack playing Loch Lomond on his accordion! Thanks guys. Subway rules, okay.

Mark and Bridget: I really appreciated your easy going Zimbabwean-ness! Thank you for some great conversations... interpretation of dreams... could there be life in outer space?

Emily and Caroline: Hot off the French Press: Why Americans Don't Drink Tea. Thanks for selling me on nutella and cream cheese on bagels, and for the many Starbucks moments!

Mandy and Tanya: Tanya, you are the Phase 10 queen. We know. Mandy, do you want to form an alliance? I have never met anyone like your mom, Tanya. And I like American 'biscuits'!

Stephanie: Thanks for giving me and Bailey a badly needed space. What an awesome walk across the Pentland Hills... you gotta love maps!

Donna, Kary and Jenny: Beaufort St II - you make me think of a place I used to know... Mexican food... DVD's... French manicures... thank you so much!