A Tale of Two Cities

The Saga of the Skylight

2006-03-07T21:56:00.000Z

If I haven't told you by now that I live in a room with no windows and only a skylight, I live in a room with no windows and only a skylight. I have written a ballad (in my head) about this sad situation, but it really is too sad to record here and you might not take me seriously. The heroine is very beautiful and tragically in love with... whoa, I can't go on. I will tell you what the Lord said to me one day as I was bemoaning my lack of view. The Lord is my confidence - again and again I am reminded of how I cannot put my hope in anything but Him, especially living in a new country and really not having much of a clue about how things work.

You see, you have nowhere to look but up.

I am enjoying my flat, besides all that. The bathroom taps sing like real birds!! You should hear them! Roni and Marie and I have some good laughs. Roni is a walking quotation dictionary, and one of her favourites is this: "Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards" (Oscar Wilde). I typed that off by heart! Try this one: "True love is not seeing someone as they are, but rather as God intended them to be" (Fyodor Dostoevsky). One that I have been thinking about recently is "Friendship is a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity" (Kahil Gibran). I found that in the friendship book from my dearest digsies.

My job is pottering along. When I began I survived by imagining all sorts of dramatic things about why I was there, which were mostly set in the 2nd World War, and the womanly work force rose up and did their bit while their sweethearts went to the front. But now, I just do my thing and chat to the peeps around me. Been training myself to sit still for loooonng periods of time.

I do love this nation and the nations within (during our outreach meetings, our flat has been host to New Zealand, Australia, China, Germany, France, Russia, India, Fiji, USA, England, Czech Republic and others I have forgotten) but sometimes I could really do with a good dose of South African humour. In fact, a specific Beaufort St sense of humour - the kind that involves things which look like sheep, things which sound like broccoli, and everyday life performed in opera and other loud noises. Imagine the trials of a Beaufortian loose on her own - the blank stares and polite murmurs.

3rd March 2006

2006-03-03T22:06:00.000Z

CANDACE LYN SUTTON,

I LOVE YOU

AND I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN

(said in southern accent like Ewan McGregor in Big Fish)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

February

2006-02-15T13:40:00.000Z

A long absence from Blog... no news in this case is good news, as I have actually had little time for composing memoirs! (Busy living life and doing stuff)... But was today chivvied along by one of my many international blogspot fans (thanks John), and so here is a brief update. First, the weather. February began at -6 C and I am not joking. It's a good time of the year to be on the other side of the world. (The way I generally feel is that anytime of the year is a good time to be on the other side of the world, but the Lord is working on me!) Today, however, is absolutely clear and sunshiny. The other day I actually went out without gloves and I did not get frostbite in my fingertips! There are wee buds on the lawns - purple and yellow and brave. Could it be... that I have survived the winter?

Other good news is that I am doing some temping work. Temping work is the lowest form of office life. I am not complaining, let me tell you. It puts money in my bank account. On Monday, I have a new job beginning at a publishing house, which I am really excited about. Yes, it's 9 to 5. But even the 9 to 5 planet needs undercover missionaries.

We are growing together as a church in love and service! We stand at the gates of this city... our city... and our faith is a battering ram. The Lord has been teaching me a lot about Love.

If I speak in the tongues of men, and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13 v 1-3)

And about Victory. In the words of that great Rock man, David Crowder: "We've ALREADY WON".

Hope to speak soon. I have to go buy a chicken. I'm roasting it for tonight's outreach meeting. God - bless that chicken.

Doubt that the Sun doth Shine...

2006-01-11T11:41:00.000Z

but never doubt I love thee...

The weather in Scotland doesn't seem to think there's much of a reason to celebrate at the beginning of this brand new Year. A year of possibility! Indeed, a year of probability! Due to my distinct lack of mathematical knowledge, I don't really know how chances work, but I delight in saying that I know that God is 100% likely to prove faithful this year!

I spent Christmas with some of the most fantastic people in the world - who are fast becoming family in Edinburgh. Still afraid to give my heart away again (and again) but they're drawing me in... I can't help loving them!

[The only thing which marred Christmas was a certain shopping trip which failed rather miserably. Jenny P. and I went to the Bear Factory in Leith, hoping to surprise Bailey with a new bow tie for Christmas. They didn't have any! And when I broke the news to Bailey, I knew he was disappointed, though he tried not to show it. Then he brightened up and said "At least my Jess-tie is tartan!," (He calls it a Jess-tie because I cut and made it out of Jess's old pyjama bottoms) "And I'm a Scottish Bear, you know!" This said in his gruff English accent. "Really," said I, "I thought you were born in Surrey!" "Yes, well," he replied hurriedly, "I was doing some research - the Internet really is wonderful - and I discovered I have a great great aunt by marriage on my mother's side who was born in Nova Scotia, and they're all descended from the Scots over there, you know." Thereupon I was seized with jealousy. "You're Scottish and I'm not!" I cried, and rushed out of the room.]

On Boxing Day, I headed down to London, a very large, sooty, and noisy place down in England, and reunited with and met some really rather clean looking people, none the worse for soot. The joy of chatting and praying with Shirl, the pride of seeing her explosive performance as Mrs Sowerberry in Oliver!, the inspiration of sharing photos and stories from Europe with Heather, the intimacy we experienced in the crowd crush at Westminster at New Year (with each other and half of London)! The blessing of seeing my parents and sister - who were visiting Epsom, the very great pain of saying good bye until who-knows-when.

Shirley took me to see "The Lion King", which I have no sufficient vocabulary to describe. Our jaws hung open and tears streamed from our eyes.

I am now returned unto Edinburgh, and moved into a great flat for a wee while, at least. It's on the top floor of a graceful Georgian building in New Town. I have a very funny room with no windows and a skylight in the ceiling. The rain beats down on it and I think of spring. I've never really experienced the joy of spring because I've never really experienced Winter with a capital W (though Grahamstown in July has its moments...) Spring must be GLORIOUS. I read in the newspaper that they have calculated, taking into account such things as the weather, the effects of overspending and overeating at Christmas, and I think it was something like the empty shelves after the Sales - they have calculated that the 23rd of January will be Britain's most unhappy day. Bah humbug to that! Happy people, unite! Storm the forts of sadness! Leave no stone unturned! We shall find the beauty and the gladness of life! We shall fight on the beaches! We shall never surrender!

And so I sit and squeak, smiling to myself because I am a squeaky wee thing facing Real Life once again. I smile because I know Someone who's bigger than Real Life - a God who's with me as I run into the wind and see more mountains ahead. Storm the forts of sadness!!

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus!" Phillipians 3 v13b -14

Jenny P. and I tour Edinburgh

2005-12-19T23:05:00.000Z

Royalty on The Royal Mile

2005-12-19T23:02:00.000Z

Drinking Yuppie Yummy - Sorry Vicks!!

2005-12-19T23:00:00.000Z

The Wind in the Winter

2005-12-19T22:56:00.000Z

Jana 'n' Me

2005-12-19T22:52:00.000Z

Cinderella Returns

2005-12-17T17:24:00.000Z

And so I have left the 19th century behind me for now, having learnt that labour exploitation is not so pleasant, and neither are shoulders which feel as though they would crumple into my pelvis, or hands blistered and cracked from various -ides and -ines. The cleaning products we used in the hotel were marked "For Professional Use Only". Hmm...

I haven't really left the 19th century behind completely (could I ever?). Bring on a true Dickensian Christmas, in this beautiful city of lights and bagpipes!! We are going to watch "A Christmas Carol" at the theatre next week. On Princes Street, there are lights everywhere you look, and - in the gardens - an ice skating rink, and a 'German Market' full of Christmas goodies. Jenny Pettinger and I went to the market today, and my heart was so full of the sweetness of it all, I couldn't stop smiling.

Perhaps... pictures...

2005-12-13T19:46:00.000Z

Jenny, visiting from D B (dearly beloved) Gtown, has been teaching me to put photos on this blog. Here's a test shot -

That's me in the middle, and my possums. I love them.

1/12/2005

2005-12-02T12:30:00.000Z

The prospect of a birthday spent very far away from anyone who has known you for more than a month, was more than a little daunting. My day off for the week fell on 1/12, an answer to prayer, and so I delighted myself in plotting and exploring options for how I was going to celebrate. I would hate, in the future, to be asked what I did on my 24th birthday, and not to have a memory or two come up!! And so I made a plan.

I woke up smiling. It was like the collective thoughts and prayers and hugs and hopes for me from across the world - South Africa, Zimbabwe, Scotland, England, even the United States and Australia - stood around my bed laughing, and I felt so lifted up and loved. Not alone.

I was up early enough to catch a lift down to the hotel with the guys who were working today, and picked up the staff car. I drove to Aberfeldy, and went first to the bank... where I collected my first birthday present - a bonafide ATM card!!! Praise God for what feels like a foot in the door and a welcome in Scotland.

I spent some time in a bookshop/art gallery/coffee shop in a restored watermill, called The Watermill. There are few things I love more than browsing in bookshops, and the coffee and scones I had for breakfast weren't too bad either! I was curled up on a couch there, reading a promise which was "stuck in my head" this morning, when Shirley phoned from London.

Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed,

His compassions never fail,

They are new every morning, great is His faithfulness.

THe Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him.

Shirls and I had a long and juicy chat. When she hung up I had more scones and hot chocolate, then dressed up for the outside world again and poked around the village. The clouds were very low on the mountain tops, but the weather was dry and good for driving. Actually, I think the Lord must've had a good laugh at me - I had asked Him for snow on my birthday, but ALSO good driving weather. Hmm.... maybe we'll have snow for Christmas! I had a couple of car angels around because our ancient and temperamental staff car started easily, and I set off around the 'north' side of Loch Tay. There are even more sheep that side. And the snow banking the roads still hadn't melted. I had a niggling feeling of delight which just grew and grew as I drove along. The road to Fort William is wide, and the mountains wild enough to recall Scots warriors of old. Wild and passionate enough, indeed, to remind me of Middle Earth. It was a brooding sort of day. After two hours of driving and wondering, I pulled up in Glen Coe, and went craft shop browsing before my late toastie lunch. I bought myself two birthday presents there - a pair of earrings and a book by Bill Bryson. My toastie cafe was lit up with Christmas lights and a very happy Christmas tree, and it was rather fun to look out, from that sparkle, onto the darkening day and silent snow covered mountains. It was a darkening day indeed, and so I had to get on the road back to Killin by 3ish. I wasn't going to stop in Killin, wanting to get back to the hotel, but as I drove through, I thought I may as well go to the co-op for some munchies. Down the road from the co-op is an outdoor store, and since I habitually wander into such stores, I went in. And walked out with another birthday present - a pair of hiking boots!!!

My folks phoned later. I miss them so much! Went out for dinner with guys from work, and was woken up at 6.30 am the next morning by lovely Candace phoning from Grahamstown. If this wasn't enough to constitute Birthday II, later that day I got a huge parcel in the post, full of love and SA chocolate, and SA sweets, and biltong, and amarula, and my favourite biscuits!! Oh, and PINK POSSUM SOCKS.

I love birthdays. And 24 is a good number. Switchfoot and the Sani Pass agree.

Bleak House

2005-11-29T11:53:00.000Z

If I ever wanted to take a photograph and put it on this blog (I will figure it out one day), it's now that I've moved house. My new house is known as "Top House", and requires us to drive up and down a bumpy and muddy mountain road to get to work every day. It is rumoured that the house is an ancient shepherd house, believable due to the flocks of sheep which wander the hills around. Inside, it's dark and pokey, has a stairway as steep as a ladder, and my bed is under an eave on the top floor. It's not quite the attic! Otherwise, I would have been a GENUINE scullery maid! As the landscape around is a picture of quiet Scottish winter - grey skies and bare, brave trees, there is only one word that comes to mind: bleak. With apologies to the great man, the literture which accompanies the thought is not Dickens, but Bronte... Wuthering Heights. Sometimes I look out the window and expect to see Heathcliff standing on yonder hill, his black cloak flapping in the wind.

I would be hard pressed to find two more gentlemanly gentlemen as two of the Slovak boys I live and work with. They have persuaded me that Slovakia ought to be, without a doubt, on my list of nations to visit before I die. How beautiful, and how interesting!! Hmm... watch this space!

I will soon be returning to the city for good. I don't know how to say this without sounding very sweet, but I will really miss the heilan' hairy coo's and their calves outside my window! (A very melodious alarm clock!)

This Post is awarded the Corny title of "Winter Wonderland"

2005-11-25T12:04:00.000Z

Last night, it snowed. Yesterday, the world was green and brown and grey, and the sheep were whitish blobs on the field outside my window. Today, an unearthly white covers everything and the sheep are kind of muddy. It's definitely much more fun to have snow in a place that you have lived for a while, and to see the transformation, rather than just visit a snowy place. I still don't have the right boots for this weather but my coats and scarves are holding up alright! Speaking of coats and scarves, I made it back to Edinburgh on my day off this week, where EVEN THE SCOTS are wearing winter gear. It's officially winter!

On my way back from Edinburgh, on the bus between that fair city and Glasgow, I had the honour of sitting next to a lovely Brazilian lady, who ACTUALLY holds a current Guiness World Record. For body piercings. She has 4000 piercings. We had a very interesting chat about spiritual things and faith, but I don't think she was too impressed with my belief in Jesus (amazing how few people are), even when I shocked myself with my own boldness and told her I believed in Jesus so firmly I would die for it.

She is also a fortune teller, and I wasn't quite sure what the polite thing was to do when she began to tell me my 'fortune'. It was a bit shocking, as a couple of the things she said sounded right. Until she looked at me and said "You're losing your faith, aren't you?". It was dark and warm and noisy in the bus, her voice soft and persuasive, and it seemed like only a distant warning bell which chimed out: She's not speaking on her own. It's a lie. I said, "I'm not losing my faith". I wasn't afraid, but I wasn't exactly happy either. I took my Bible out of my bag: "Everything you say to me, I will check against this, because this is the Truth". I may be a bit dramatic, but it was good to say that. A lot more was said, but I can't remember it accurately enough to record it. I just know I wasn't a hero, I was desperate. I couldn't feel Him, but the Lord protected me then. Always, when I speak and move and think, He's there, more than enough.

The Back of Beyond

2005-10-27T17:20:00.000+01:00

I am, in two words, totally knackered. How do I find these jobs? Would somebody out there please find me a job where I can either hide in a book... or climb trees... or pick flowers... okay, I know it's real life - as my dear old dad likes to remind me.

One week after I arrived here I was tired enough to resign and sheepishly hightail it back to Edinburgh, though the Lord knows what would have happened there, where you spend money just by breathing. One trial or the other, I figured. Anyway, I was persuaded to stay. It's alright. When I wake up in the morning, I look out across a field of grazing sheep - beyond that, a line of trees, and then the beautiful Loch Tay at the foot of a mountain which promises to be covered in snow in the very near future. I'll manage to save some money, and learn useful things like how to carry a vacuum cleaner without tripping, and how to fold up an ironing board (one of the eternal great mysteries of the universe). There are unfortunately no Australian diversions at this hotel ;).

Today I drove a car for the first time in Scotland. It was so good to drive again - I took our staff car and drove to a nearby (30km) village. The autumn colours and farm lanes...

It's generally well with my soul. I still have this dull feeling a lot of the time that life is just plain pointless if I cannot be in Grahamstown, but the other day I had such a big thought about my... destiny... here... that I got butterflies in my tummy. Just for a moment.

Be Strong - Take Heart - Wait for the Lord

2005-10-09T20:37:00.000+01:00

Did you know that there is this verse in Ecclesiastes that says: "A feast is made for laughter, and wine makes life merry, but money is the answer to everything"?? (10v19) I checked it out in a few different versions, and there it is - money is a good thing. A good thing came to me last week Friday - the last day of September. Things have improved, to say the least! I have been shopping. Good to my soul.

It's been a week of change, because on Monday I handed in my resignation. I have accepted a job in a wee hotel on the shore of Loch Tay in Perthshire. It was a big decision because I obviously wanted to be in Edinburgh for the church plant and close to friends, but... there are many reasons I feel like it's right and going to be okay. I'll be there for four months, coming in to town as often as I can to see people, go to church, keep up my contacts here - I'm hoping it will be every two weeks or so. So tomorrow I'm putting my backpack on again and catching a bus to Stirling - the closest large city, and will hopefully be able to catch another bus from there. I love it when an adventure comes together... especially in Scotland.

It was sad to leave the nursery in the end. They gave me flowers, and wine, and cards, and asked me to change my mind. I was actually concerned because my little heart had started to l...l...love some of those agents of destruction. I loved talking to them and teaching them, and teasing them, and kissing bumps better, and running around like a chicken or something equally ridiculous, in the name of fun, and I loved wee arms around my neck! On one of my last days there, I was privileged to be a Princess locked up in a tower (the climbing frame), awaiting my rescue from the evil dragon, by the brave knights Adam (3) and Patrick (3). They rescued me but the dragon wasnae killed for a while, we all had to chase it around the playground. Oh Lord may they grow up fighting for You...

I resigned because of the bad moments - those of boredom and frustration and exhaustion and noise and poo - but now I think I'll just remember the good ones.

By the way, did you know that boys are born knowing how to pile-on? Including the random moment chosen for this masculine ritual?

To all who have been praying for me - I have taken heart! I have lifted my eyes up! The Lord is showing me that, in the place you least expect it, there can be life in abundance. I'm still convinced that Scotland is God's will for me, and I have felt stirrings of life and love and laughter. This mission field is fun! Strange? No, just the Lord. I love to dance, and I have been meeting people here who love to dance, and I love to write, and I'm finally writing. Even though friendships take a long time and patience, I feel like there is grace to make them with people - church and non church. I'm intrigued to see where the Lord is taking me in this... Promised Land.

I See Little People

2005-09-26T21:33:00.000+01:00

I spoke on the phone to my dearest brother and blogspot fan Timo, who continues to thrive in Kaapstad, and he told me to please write something more cheerful!! To tell the truth, I have been a bit dry on... happy news... I was hoping to do another 'progress log' and announce that I had a bank account, a pillow...., a stable mood...., a husband... you know, that kind of stuff. Anyway, watch this space.

The light is changing and the season is definitely turning. This morning I walked to the bus stop at sunrise. It was beautiful, and the air was quiet, and I dared to think that the Lord had made the moment for me.

Work continues to be a battle to enjoy, although when I make the effort to find the treasure in my circumstances, I find myself surprised. The children - I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with them - (do I hear an amen?). My favourite part of my job is when we take them on a trip somewhere - that 20 minutes when they are sitting in the bus - STRAPPED DOWN. My next favourite part is reading and telling them stories. They love it when I tell them stories from my head, and are constantly challenging me with new topics. "Pam, tell us a story about a dragon", and then "Tell us a story about a dragon and a fairy", and then "Pam, a story about a dragon and a princess, and Batman, and horsies, AND a pirate ship". And so I do.

Scottish children are very resilient to weather, and so we still go outside as much as we can. I had to wear my big coat in the playground today - my fav Dead Poets' coat - and wee Susie asked me why I was wearing my dressing gown. Huh?

But I'm tired of the noise! And I'm tired of washing my hands at least twice an hour for reasons I won't go into right now!

I still feel pretty dead on the inside, but I do think that there is a stirring, a rustling somewhere deep down in my soul, some thoughts have surfaced recently which have surprised me. Thoughts about promises like exceedingly-abundantly-more than you can imagine (can somebody please tell me where that verse is, because I can't find it!), and thoughts about Isaiah 54. And, just when I hit a low point (ie. "I'm definitely going home NOW!"), something happens to encourage me. Sweet, sweet Zoe - all the way from Savannah, Georgia - emailed to remind me that "The Lord is your refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble".

On reflecting, I believe that the Lord is answering a prayer that I have prayed for years. He is showing me more and more of Himself. It's like I go "Why am I here? What am I supposed to be doing? Who am I anyway? What's going on?", and God is like "I won't answer those questions. I'll tell you Who I Am, and then everything else will fall into place".

An ever present help in trouble. Dare to believe it...

And He sets the lonely in families. My relationships in the team are growing stronger. I'm staying with four girls who I am slowly opening up to. His grace is taking us across cultural barriers. We had a digs meeting this evening, and ended it off with standing together in praise and prayer. [As I wrote that sentence, I thought 'exceedingly-abundantly-watchthisspace-COZ GOD IS GIVING ME FAMILY'.]

We had our first official church service on Sunday the 11th of September, with everything running with super-EveryNation excellence. You can't believe the equipment we have. We have a small sound system but a huge mixing desk, and a video projector, and Every Nation Edinburgh banners. We're meeting in a cinema - but a luxury one, so the middle section is no less than Leather Couches. We've had lots of Christian visitors so it's hard to tell about newcomers, but there have been around 7 Scots altogether in the past couple of weeks. Last week we had a bunch of people up from the London church, and they came to encourage us, and I was encouraged! I feel like London are a mother or a big sister to us, and I am so keen to get down there and visit them too! My DX group (DX is like the D (discipleship) 12 strategy except it's D-variable) met on Sunday too. Good to my soul. I love cell. And we talked evangelism, and we're talking my language... do what you gotta to get out and MAKE FRIENDS... get a job, join a dance class, a running club, do what you like to do, be yourself and connect with the nation.

I've got to go to bed. Am walking out with the sunrise tomorrow.

**Please read these lyrics. I'm living this mystery.

Faith Enough

The ice is thin enough for walkin’
The rope is worn enough to climb
My throat is dry enough for talkin’
The world is crumbling’ but I know why
The world is crumbling’ but I know why

The storm is wild enough for sailing
The bridge is weak enough to cross
This body frail enough for fighting
I’m home enough to know I’m lost
Home enough to know I’m lost

It’s just enough to be strong
In the broken places, in the broken places
It’s just enough to be strong
Should the world rely on faith tonight

The land unfit enough for planting
Barren enough to conceive
Poor enough to gain the treasure
Enough a cynic to believe
Enough a cynic to believe

Confused enough to know direction
The sun eclipsed enough to shine
Be still enough to finally tremble
And see enough to know I’m blind
And see enough to know I’m blind

Should the world rely on faith tonight

[Jars of Clay]

Movie Review: Pride and Prejudice

2005-09-21T19:19:00.000+01:00

So I went to the movies with my good friend Caroline. Orange Wednesday - two for the price of one - one student ticket because Caroline is a student! We watched Pride and Prejudice, although I was determined to utterly hate it. I was surprised that I actually enjoyed it! Caroline was great - she reminded me of Candace [the world's greatest movie watching bud] because she just cried the whole way through the movie.

I cringed at some of the lines, especially Lizzy's and Mrs Bennett's, because nobody could do those lines like our beloved BBC version, but loved all the extra dialogue written for the film. Especially getting to see more of Bingley's proposal to Jane. I forgave him his hairstyle and even his ridiculous giggle, but not the daft scene where he walks into Jane's bedroom when she is sick in bed in her nightgown. This is invasion of the feminine sanctuary! And just should not be done!

The music and the cinematography is beautiful. There's something about a sunrise plus a passionate declaration of love...

I think it's Autumn

2005-09-18T16:23:00.000+01:00

I feel I have very little to say today, except that it's cold and getting colder. I had some fleeces bestowed on me by a kind South African - he was concerned that I didn't know what I was in for in the coming months!

I am working long days at the nursery, deafened by the clamour and horsened (sp?) by the scolding. I'm finding it boring... hmm... and am hoping to move to something that pays better and is not so far away. It takes me an hour to get to work, so I'm trying to get into the habit of reading my Bible on the bus.

I discovered Habukkuk the other day. You should read it!

I was thinking about how I could possibly have been more prepared for this transition and the things I've had to deal with. I came to the conclusion that the Lord knew what it was going to be like, and He is faithful. He is carrying me, and I am digging my well of strength in Him.

A Series of [?]fortunate Events

2005-09-11T21:57:00.000+01:00

I was told that doing this would be the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. And since I have been here, I have been broke, in debt, homeless, homesick, depressed, discouraged, sick, tired, self piteous, confused, lonely, ... bespectacled (my last contact lens tore)..., and labouring under a religious idea that I'm earning God's love through all I've given up (as an enlightening phone call to London revealed - thanks Shirls!).

I have not, however, had a crush on anyone. Whew!

But this is my declaration and this will be my story!

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long, we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered'". No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

For I am CONVINCED that neither DEATH nor LIFE, neither ANGELS nor DEMONS, neither the PRESENT nor the FUTURE, nor ANY POWERS, neither HEIGHT nor DEPTH, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!"

Romans 8 v 35 - 39

Heartbreak

2005-09-04T18:13:00.000+01:00

I've had a couple of crazy career ideas since I've been here, including joining the army and becoming a hair salon model, and I recently had a thought about becoming an ad writer (is that what they're called?).

"Kleenex. Giving you one less mess to worry about."

This came to me during a GENUINE MOMENT, so I think it's GENUINE, even though I wasn't using Kleenex at the time - I can't afford it - I was using toilet paper which makes your nose red and scratchy.

Most of my messes can be rationalised away, if it's not the middle of the night. Or prayed through, when I remember the Power Available! One I'm still working on is the itsybitsy fact that Cands and Jen and Jess and Liss and Romona and Kary and Kez and the Lowes and Tendai and everybody else are 50 million kilometres away in (or near) dearly beloved Grahamstown, and I am here.

So, in my world, puffy eyes are in, okay. You people are all so untrendy.

Oh Lord, record my lament, list my tears on your scroll - are they not in your record? Psalm 56v8

Homes Sweet Homes - Some notes of thanks

2005-09-01T16:24:00.000+01:00

Since I've been in Edinburgh...

Vicky and Jack: I will not forget your encouragement, the Elephant House, and dancing the Gay Gordon down the street in the middle of the night, with Jack playing Loch Lomond on his accordion! Thanks guys. Subway rules, okay.

Mark and Bridget: I really appreciated your easy going Zimbabwean-ness! Thank you for some great conversations... interpretation of dreams... could there be life in outer space?

Emily and Caroline: Hot off the French Press: Why Americans Don't Drink Tea. Thanks for selling me on nutella and cream cheese on bagels, and for the many Starbucks moments!

Mandy and Tanya: Tanya, you are the Phase 10 queen. We know. Mandy, do you want to form an alliance? I have never met anyone like your mom, Tanya. And I like American 'biscuits'!

Stephanie: Thanks for giving me and Bailey a badly needed space. What an awesome walk across the Pentland Hills... you gotta love maps!

Donna, Kary and Jenny: Beaufort St II - you make me think of a place I used to know... Mexican food... DVD's... French manicures... thank you so much!

Learning Scots

2005-08-29T16:19:00.000+01:00

I am trying my best to get some Scots terminology right, after receiving some blank stares and completely confusing the children with my time frame of just now! Cheers means 'thank you', and NOT 'good bye'. See ya later means 'good bye', and is NOT used to indicate that you will actually see them later. And, just saying 'hi' sounds monosyllabically insipid, you've got to say HIYA!!

Edinburgh: Gateway to the Nations

2005-08-29T00:30:00.000+01:00

A few weeks ago I was privileged to hear the gospel preached by an Italian man (in English!) in Scotland. Then, I was asked to meet an American missionary at the airport, a lady passing through on her way to help establish a church in Zambia.

And tonight, I was invited to a church which was raising money for some Brazilian missionaries on their way to Egypt and India. We had supper for a small donation and listened to Brazilian singing! I had a conversation with a Brazilian man full of passion, simplicity and joy. I thought, as we were talking, that this was a man who could be in prison for preaching the gospel in Egypt in the next few months or years, and who would rejoice to be so, and I started crying - I don't know what he thought.

I want to be like him. Oh, to be able to lift my eyes up and see only Eternity!

Tent Maker Training 1

2005-08-27T16:36:00.000+01:00

Well, today we had our first of two training sessions. It was awe inspiring and very exciting to think that the leader leading and teaching us has not only theory but the practice of ten years (in the Ukraine)! I can't put it all down here, but there are a couple of things I want to share. I think the major thing which struck me so much was the time spans Pastor Tom was talking in. In Grahamstown, there is an intensity... an urgency... which is different... here, Pastor Tom will throw things out like "It'll take you between 18 and 36 months to really settle down, and get over the culture shock, and be truly able to become all things to all men!" He keeps emphasising that slow is fast, and we want to grow, but we need to build a strong foundation.

He also reminded us that the devil is not sitting back and wondering if we will manage. He will fight us on every inch, over every soul. He's not letting go of Edinburgh too easily.

The strategy in a nutshell is in 1. an Outreach Meeting every Sunday, specifically designed to welcome guests, to worship God wholeheartedly, and for the word taught to be applicable to life. We want to cut weirdness out of these meetings eg. "turn to the person next to you..." and help people to relax. We all have to fill in visitor's cards - called 'connection cards' - every week so no one feels stuck out. We will have a Believers' Meeting on the first Sunday night of every month.

And 2. Outreach Lifestyles - we will all be put in Discipleship Groups which will be primarily for accountability about outreach lifestyles - and we can decide what we can do - from coffee dates with one person to running Alpha Courses! We know who we know and what will work best.

Pastor Tom is strict on terminology... we won't publicly refer to people as believers until they have made the public declaration of water baptism, or as disciples until they are doing the Purple Book. I can see that this is to keep facts straight, hype down, and keep building that strong foundation.

I am excited to be on this front line. It is an honour - a unique privilege. In 60 years time, when my grandchildren ask me what I was doing when revival swept up Europe, I'll tell them I was there, in the middle of it! Come on!

Stepping Out

2005-08-26T16:15:00.000+01:00

My first week of work has been very very different from anything I have ever done before! In between having play dough stuck on my face and being presented with earthworms in the playground, there has actually been some time for philosophical reflection. (And I did have a brief think about the worldview behind "The Elves and the Shoemaker", but that doesn't count.) (Did you know they still sing Old MacDonald and If You're Happy and You Know It and Row Row Row your Boat - feel like I'm in a time warp, and it should be me sitting on the mat!)

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about educational theory and policy, and am waking up to the fact that this is a latent passion of mine, after all that grumbling last year! And being thrown into a prime example of a secular, constructivist - "child centred" environment has really stimulated and frustrated me. But the children are absolutely lovely, with their wee Scottish accents, and they are slowly getting used to me.

The Demystification of Motherhood is a good thing, for better and for worse.

One of the biggest challenges is getting to know the other staff. I have been the Staffroom Mute thus far, thinking about how I would join in this conversation if (i) I knew what the heck they were talking about, and (ii) I wasn't so aware that I must sound really posh the way that I actually pronouce my t's and ing's, and other endings of words. Do I like the way I speak? Yes. Would I become all things to all men and lay it down? Something to think about.

I have been living with two Northern Irish girls and a Scottish girl from Destiny Church this week. I found a home that is a kindred spirit of Beaufort Street! (Incidentally, two of them are even called Kary and Jenny!) They have been so welcoming and loving. It has been a challenge to answer some of their questions about the church plant, as I realise the need to be diplomatic, and to express positivity about the churches already established in Edinburgh. I have also been feeling so tired and disorientated and jumbly jumbly it's hard to remember why I came and to express it properly. I keep saying "God called me here". I think that's all I need to know right now. Thank you Lord.

This Beaufort St II has been a relief in other ways. It is a blessing to be surrounded by like minded people and British culture. I find American culture hard to keep up with. My clothes and my make up feel really blah next to theirs. I feel like, in appearance, and confidence, and speech, and sharp ideas, and devil-stomping faith - a faded wild flower next to flashing neon lights. I am beginning to mistakenly associate Every Nation people with ritz and glamour and I feel odd. Actually, so many things feel odd with so many people from so many church backgrounds (even though we are all Every Nation) - there are just little attitudes and little beliefs which have the potential to clash.

It all makes me very homesick! I really battle on Sundays with missing G'town, especially as the praise and worship is... well, you know G'town p+w is unmatchable!

PS. I read the most hysterical article in the newspaper about this village in North England which has 17 men to every woman and they have launched this big campaign to get women to move there. It was tempting! We have been joking about the lopsided number of women on this church plant. I have aunts who never married SIMPLY due to the scarcity of men after WWII, and I begin to wonder if we have a similar phenomenon developing in the Church. Oh dear.

Thought for the Day

2005-08-24T00:29:00.000+01:00

In 17 years time, I will be 40 years old.

What You Really Want to Know

2005-08-20T10:35:00.000+01:00

So, Pam, just what is happening with the church plant itself?

When Uncle Jim flew over here to visit - as the plane was landing, he reportedly said "It's dark, really dark". A couple of people have had pictures of stone walls which we will need to chisel and work at and repeatedly hammer for breakthrough in this nation.

We had a mission a few weeks ago, 80 campus ministers and students from the US of A... they came over and spent a week half in Glasgow and half in Edinburgh, walking around and promoting this movie called "The Final Frontier" (by Eric Holmsberg) - all about whether there is life after death. It's really in your face. Anyway, so it really worked well, especially with the festival happening in Edinburgh, so there's all sorts of promotions and artsy stuff happening. We showed the film once in Glasgow and twice in Edinburgh - and in Edinburgh, the one venue was none other than the Forest Cafe, that "dreadful scary Babylonian" place. It was HECTIC! I witnessed some warfare, man! The place was packed out. We even got mentioned on the radio the next day - "There were evangelicals in the Forest Cafe!" "They're everywhere!" I wasn't involved in the mission at all except for taking someone to the Forest Cafe that night, but heard reports of healings and miracles and cool stuff.

Pastor Perry (one of the associate pastors) doesn't like to give numbers, because he says a hand raised or even a prayer said doesn't count until you're still seeing a person around, stuck into being discipled for a few months. A really good point I thought. I was actually so impressed with the report and chat about the mission that Perry gave, and just the person that he is, that I am wondering if he could be of Gareth-stock!

Next step in the fresher's week mission in mid September... but I will find out more in the next two weekends - we are having Tentmaker Training which will lay out the vision and strategy.

For those interested in praying for Scotland - I believe the biggest stronghold is Witchcraft/Rebellion, with Alcohol following hard on its heels. And the prayer that I pray most I have published here. Being a poet and following the tradition of many powerful preachers, what I sense to pray for boils down to Hope, Holiness and Honour.

Cry for Caledonia

2005-08-20T10:32:00.000+01:00

Lord, we pray that you would move again in the nation of Scotland, as you did in John Knox time, as you did in the Outer Hebrides, one of the dark corners of the earth. Lord, we pray that the hills and the rivers, the highlands and the lochs would lift up their hands and ascribe greatness to the King! We pray that the people would hear your voice, Scots men and women would open their eyes and see your glory in their land. We thank you for the spiritual rivers and the spiritual rain of Hope that will flood the land. Oh Lord we hear the whisper of Hope in your nation, oh let it thunder! We see Scotland as the source of a river of Hope that would gush out across Europe.

We pray for a Highway of Holiness to be laid from Glasgow to Edinburgh, from the Borders to the Shetland Islands. We pray that you would restore the Honour of your Warriors. Restore the Honour of your people here.

Lord, we pray for Edinburgh. Oh how you would gather them in your arms in a moment if they would but let you! Jesus, may you reign again above ancient tradition and architectural beauty, above the stale smell of breweries and the desperation of the homeless. I pray that Truth would be rebuilt, brick by brick. May Edinburgh no longer be a fortress of bitterness, but a Fortress of Truth! May it give from its heart, and not only for its own gain! We pray for every man that hangs his head, for every woman that covers up her fear of the future. Jesus, come!! Strengthen the feeble hands and weak knees! Make us your people strong and valiant! Give grace to the pastors - the shepherds of the city. Give grace to the politicians and influential people. Open the floodgates of love!! Let love come in! Let no one escape Your Love, Your undeniable, tangible Love.

In the mighty name of Jesus Christ.

Son Shining

2005-08-17T18:29:00.000+01:00

I had the most marvellous day today. I woke up and the sun was shining through the window, and I felt peaceful - a foreign feeling - and just happy to be alive. I spent an hour or two curled up with tea and "How the Scots invented the Modern World" - a gloriously biased version of a gloriously fascinating history of the Scots. Then I walked the festive streets, thinking carefully about my next move, as I had been told that disclosures can take up to six weeks. An idea greatly repulsive to somebody with no money etc etc.

When I got home I had a phone call from the nursery. My disclosure miraculously came through in ten days and could I start work on Monday??

You know who's in charge, even in Edinburgh? The Lord Jesus Christ.

Thirteenth Bed

2005-08-14T18:19:00.000+01:00

(or fourteenth, if you count the I-could-so-redesign-this-better aeroplane seat)

... since I last saw Grahamstown eight weeks ago. My thirteenth bed will be remembered for the Week of the Wisdom Tooth, during which I wanted to tear my jaw off... but also during which I managed to enjoy the coincedence of a wisdom tooth and a growing inward wisdom - which MUST be there... although outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day...

Shirley came up to Edinburgh this week, and she blessed me and blessed me and blessed me. She loves Jesus so much, and she knows the joy of the redeemed!

I am still waiting. I could smash things in my frustration with waiting - waiting on so many levels! Waiting for my disclosure so I can start work at the nursery. Waiting for some inkling of the fulfillment of the prophecies over my life...

"But do not forget this one thing dear friends. With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance!" 2 Peter 3 v 8-9

Practically, South African

2005-08-10T18:15:00.000+01:00

Today I realised just how 'South African' I am. I love Dickensian streets, cobbled and crowded, hodgepodge and higgledy piggledy of little shops and offices. Living in Edinburgh is like living in a favourite book.

But when I walked into a real undercover shopping mall, with maps indicating "You are Here" and escalators and big glass windows, I wanted to fall down and kiss the shiney floor. AAAHH! What happened to my romantic heart?

Now I know where to go when I feel homesick!

Peculiar Grace

2005-08-10T18:05:00.000+01:00

So, a week ago, things looked bleak. I missed home. I missed having money. I missed the way my faith used to be so hale and hearty. I missed God. The hardest thing was that I had fallen, in such a short space of time, from a sense of unshakeability, of heroism, of certainty about God's will, to a place of utter UNcertainty.

Showdown.

God let me in a couple of things. His peculiar grace is embedded in that verse in Hebrews, which encourages us to endure hardship as discipline - because only real children of the Father are precious enough for him to discipline. I don't think the Lord particularly enjoys seeing us in hardship. But He has a firm grip of the Big Picture.

We can trust Him.

Oh to grace how great a debtor,
Daily I'm constrained to be,
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wand'ring heart to thee.

Auld Reekie

2005-08-06T18:27:00.000+01:00

Cursed be this foul street-smell! I cannae bear it! One could still call Edinburgh "Auld Reekie", and be literal, and not anachronistic.

How to be a Church Planting Tentmaker

2005-08-02T17:59:00.000+01:00

Or "What I have Done Wrong So Far"

1. Don't lose your passport three weeks before you are due to leave.
2. Save as much money as possible, as they do use it in other countries, and there is NO guarantee that you will find the MONEY TREE as soon as you arrive. Actually it was a very strange idea for me to come over straight out of Year of Your Life. (But it was God's idea - not mine).
3. Nobody in the new country knows who you are, and they don't give much of a damn. You need letters of introduction from as many sources as possible... employers, landlords, the bank. Bring bank statements. The big question is, of course, are you a terrorist?
4. Get over yourself. You are not a champion of faith. Jesus is the author and perfector of your faith.

Don't tell me who I am, tell me who God is!

The Lord who Sustains

2005-07-31T17:51:00.000+01:00

Today I visited Destiny Church Edinburgh. How awesome! During the p and w, I had a more than vague thought that church planting is tough, and life is a lot easier if you can slip into ready-made, someone else bust their back churches. The sermon was really encouraging - a young Scottish pastor with a true pastoring gift. At the altar call, 2 people got saved, and they were the strangers on either side of me. I got very choked up - the miracle of salvation really is a miracle, I remembered again.

Church this evening was great too. Everyone is really encouraging me re: my jobless state - "Oh don't worry, we've been here since February and we don't have jobs yet!" But seriously, they are encouraging me. I had fish and chips with Jana after church. She laid out some simple truth. God has called you here. He doesn't make mistakes. He loves you. He is sovereign. He hasnae forgotten you.

I know one thing. I am being so humbled. I am realising that humility has levels and they go down. I'm not the canny, in-control, organised, sensible Christian grown up I thought I was. I remain standing only by the grace of God.

Movie Review: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

2005-07-31T17:50:00.000+01:00

I walked out of this movie. Well, then, I walked back in again, because six quid is a lot of money to walk out on. But the principle remains. I walked out.

I reckon Tim Burton was the perfect director for Roald Dahl - the set was great! The story line was great! The kids were great! But Willy Wonka was TERRIBLE!! Unless I totally missed the point when I read the book as a child, this is not the Willy Wonka I remember. I guess a break from the original could be forgiven, but in itself this characterisation of Wonka was painful. He is a giggling, effeminate, childish, sad little man. I suppose a point was made regarding fatherlessness.

But all the children in the cinema needed a HERO. The world needs heroes.

Progress Log

2005-07-30T13:47:00.000+01:00

PROGRESS FACT #1
I think I am beginning to think more Scottishly. Currently, my most valuable possession is my Dry Mac.

PROGRESS FACT #2
I bought an Edinburgh Streetfinder, and put my name in the flyleaf.

PROGRESS FACT #3
I made the most amazing friend last night. I met up with Stephanie in a pub for an hour or so, and we talked. She's great! [I so desperately wanted her to like me, and I think she does.]

Postcards from Babylon

2005-07-30T00:06:00.000+01:00

28 July 2005. Today I was invited to a cafe at Bristo Place. I had been told about it, but had never visited it. I had been told about it because apparently it is run almost entirely by volunteers, people who are not paid but who do get a meal for their pains. Being on the poverty stricken side and a few family members away from trying my luck selling 'The Big Issue' on the streets, I was interested and asked what cause they supported.

"Well, it's kind of non-profit. It's vegetarian... I don't know. Just the common good I suppose!"

Sounded socialist to me. But then, I am hyper socialism-conscious at the moment. So I turned up today. The crazy decor didn't deter me too much. I 'grew up' in Grahamstown. And I thought, after my experiences at the yellow submarine hostel in Inverness, I was hardened. Then, as I walked to the counter, my eyes and senses were accousted not only by advertisements for Anacharist group meetings, but also by a large blackboard proclaiming the availability of GAY P**N [forgive the asterix, not too keen for my blog to become x rated] - "just ask". Everything goes in this place. I was afraid to go to the bathroom. But I had to go, and had to laugh - I found the walls were plastered with paper, for those who couldn't resist graffetti, and because the volunteers "were tired of painting", according to an official notice. I left the cafe pretty soon after being invited, by a reasonable looking person, to a party celebrating the Festival of Lunacy.

The city reels. It drinks deep of its dark imagination, and desperately dreams of light and colour. It moves to the beat of a muffled drum of tolerance. Self is good. Self is god.

Land of Hope and Glory

2005-07-27T23:43:00.000+01:00

27 July 2005. Well, I am back in Edinburgh after a rather strange journey - physically and emotionally. Having little success with jobs and feeling the wanderlust rising, (and it sounds super spiritual, but I wanted to pray for the nation - "develop my prophetic edge for Scotland" as Romona so neatly put it) I left for Inverness on Thursday afternoon, with a very vague plan about what I was going to do, where I was going to stay, how long for and all that! Jack, a friend of Vicky's from Pietermaritzburg, for those of you who don't know him, and now I can say a friend of mine - he has been really great!! - was in Inverness, and so I tried to bag a bed in the place he was staying but there was no room. [And the next place also didn't have any room. Actually Jack later pointed out the profundity of this - he says "There have been many influential people in the past who have been told 'there is no room'"!!!] The third hostel I went to - guys - this place was something else. It looked (and smelt) like it was straight out of the music video for 'Yellow Submarine', and it was full of people to match!! I knew I'd have to quell some of my more 'delicate sensibilities' on this trip!! Held my own when a middle aged Italian man in his underwear tried to insist "Zis is my bed!"... referring to the bed I was climbing into! Jack left on Friday, but I wasn't alone as I met this girl called Rebekah, from Canada, who was hitchhiking around the UK and who turned out to be a Christian. We went to the Inverness Highland Games together on Saturday, which was really great - Scottish culture at its best. So many men in kilts, and some look rather too good in them.

But my bravado was only outward on the weekend. I was "chewing the cud of sweet and bitter fancy"*, a little bit more on the bitter side, suffice to say I took a rather melancholy turn. (oh man can you see me relishing this? I love writing! When else do you ever get to say "suffice to say"?) ANYWAY, basically I got to feeling really really down, and was exactly like the man in James who is tossed about by waves of doubt - Doubt with a capital D - very ugly. Sunday was the worst - yuck!!! Rebekah and I went to church twice on Sunday, to two different "Free" Church of Scotland's, which were identical in format, except that we stood to pray and sat to sing at the one, and sat to pray and stood to sing at the other. The freakiest thing about the morning service was that I noticed that the ladies in front of me were all wearing hats, and when I looked around, every single woman and girl was wearing a hat. But, I thought the essence of the preaching at both churches was really good, so that was something positive. And surely the more pentecostal churches are around somewhere!? I don't know in Inverness. I really liked the town, it reminded me of Grahamstown.

I suspect somebody was praying for me on Sunday. By the evening I felt a lot better. I set off for Ullapool on Monday morning, which is about an hour and a half north west, on the west coast. I had a brilliant, if vague and scary, idea to go to the Hebrides, turning the journey into something of a pilgrimage, but discovered that the ferry would be much too expensive. Ullapool is a quaint fishing village out of the nineteenth century! SO lovely. I spent the entire day walking up the coast, thrashing some stuff out with the Lord. No great revelation or even feeling of comfort came to me, but I do know that by the time I went to my hostel in the evening, I felt like an unwound spring, relaxed at last.

I met the most amazing Scottish lady at my hostel. Her name is Elizabeth and she's about 40. She and I struck up a friendship straight away. She has a very dry sense of humour!! Anyway, I found out she was from Edinburgh but she seemed reluctant to say anything personal, so I didn't ask about what she thought happened after you die, I just resolved to say in touch in the future. We had a grand time together. She took me on a beautiful 8 or 9 km walk on Tuesday, and feed me very well in the evening (The Lord says 'I will raise up the ravens to feed you'). ANYWAY, going to bed - we're in the bathroom, and I put on my HP tshirt to sleep in. "What's that on the back of your shirt?" she asks. "Oh..." I say "History Maker, Daniel 11v32... it's a Bible verse". Her jaw just dropped. "Are you into all that?" she asked. So I said "Yes, I'm very much into it!" "Do you mean to tell me that all this time, we could have been talking about important stuff, not all that drivvle about mountains and such?" Guys, she's an on fire Christian (temporarily and sensibly under a bush, like me). It was absolutely crazy. So then, everything came out!! God used her to encourage me, and me to encourage her. Even if you flee to ends of the earth, which is what Ullapool feels like, you can't hide from the Lord.

I stepped out of the bus into Edinburgh today, and found that once again I believed that God is big. Bigger. Even though I'm still afraid, it seems irrational NOT to see that God will look after me somehow. I realized in Ullapool how quickly the Word can slip away from you if you don't drink DEEPLY of it every day. You gotta chow that Word.

*This is a misquote from As You Like It, misquoted by none other than Sir Walter Scott, who used it in "Waverley", his novel which I am reading at the moment!

Hiya! (Scots' Greeting)

2005-07-18T23:31:00.000+01:00

From Edinburgh, my new home. It's been an easy introduction in many ways, especially as Vicky has been looking after me so well, giving me stacks of tips about everything... and also especially as the weather has been the hottest ever in Scotland, by the way people are talking! For five days after I arrived, not a spot of rain and beautiful sunshine. Vicky lives near some park lawns which have been covered with (really) white bodies trying to catch a real tan!! Today is cloudy again, which is a relief in a way as I am walking a lot and have been getting sunburnt and stuff. People are really friendly here though I'm really conscious that my accent makes me stand out as a foreigner - they think I'm on holiday and will be gone with the summer.

Because there are so many tourists, Scottish traditions are being exhibited all over the place - there IS bagpipe music in the streets, and there are Scottish flags everywhere, and many many "man-skirt" (refer to Rajagopaul's Dictionary of Scottish Life) shops. I went to a ceilidh (a song and dance!) on Saturday night, where there were NOT any tourists, which was great - met some great Scots. The first two guys I met happened to have been born in Zimbabwe! Amazing!

Meeting the people on the church plant team was pretty strange. This is my family whether I like them or not. Fortunately I like them, on first impression! There are only about 25 of us so far, the rest are still arriving. I like Pastor Tom. He's really humble and real. And after the fast paced life of HP Grahamstown I think things are going to be very chilled, for the next couple of months anyway, while everyone settles in. I was so relieved when he said that this is not going to be a 'seeker-sensitive' church, something I feared - it's going to be a 'God-sensitive' church first and foremost.

I have been working hard at finding a job, filling out stacks of
application forms... the problem is that the jobs which I would want
long term are only starting mid-Augustish after the whole application and interview process. It's a bit scary, actually more than a bit scary, because I have to LIVE until then!! I've trying to find waitressing for the festival period but that's proving more difficult than I thought it would. I'm heading out again after I send this... it's been a bit tiring and discouraging, and not having all the Gtown Saints around to speak the TRUTH is just blah.

I've had a lot of opportunity to talk about God, surprisingly!! I
think because people ask me why Edinburgh and so I have to mention the church. In a city where truth is "nice for you", and where all the young people are pretty self satisfied because they have their grand socialist ideas and they marched against the "eight middle aged white men who decide the fate of the world". Abortion and gay lifestyles are absolutely normal. (I got asked what I thought about gay marriage, but not abortion yet - whew -, also got myself into a discussion about capitalism - yikes). It's SO BAD, because I can feel myself being
tempted to soften things and disguise things, and I can feel my mouth going watery, and the fear of offending people is big. Truth and Love have got to be balanced! But at least the ice has been broken and I am talking, not remaining silent!! I know one thing now - to speak about God as He is - Real. Not my belief or religion or vague consciousness which I bend this way and that. Not to tack on "for me" to my sentences!

Note to Self

2005-07-04T23:23:00.000+01:00

Mugg & Bean should start an airline. I would fly them.

Sojourn in Pretoria

2005-07-01T23:18:00.000+01:00

27 June

To fill all my millions of readers in, I have lost my passport, had to apply for a new one, and have ended up waiting in Pretoria for it to be ready.

So here I am, in Pretoria, where - according to Fifi Formson, God lives. (He just visits everywhere else).

I have spent the morning composing Odes to Aloneness. Here is a sample:

How I wish I could show my JENNY
My new socks so stripy and PRETTY

Am looking forward to tomorrow, because Tendai and I are going to meet up.I phoned the British Embassy this morning, and you only get through once in a blue moon, because they have "more than 1000 calls daily", and a blue moon happened and they told me my passport is NOT READY, and the story has changed from two to three weeks.

I have been reading a lot and thinking about things, a bit like Pooh.

1 July

So... I am drawing near to the end of my sojourn in the fair and sunny city of Pretoria, after a dramatic showdown at the passport office on Wednesday. It was amazing!! I saw this really stroppy and rude woman become the most lovely and helpful person before my eyes... must have been God!! So I picked up the passport this morning and am flying on Sunday night, for SURE!!

Twenty six days to go

2005-05-26T17:49:00.000+01:00

Yep, 26 days to go... I started counting. I have so much stuff to give away before I go - any takers? Anybody out there? still nobody knows I have a blog. Hmm....

We had the most awesome weekend... Val McLelland, a prophetess of the Lord, came to our church and God totally blessed us! I got the most interesting prophecy about ... hello... full time ministry, and marrying nothing less than a fivefold... but no, it's a secret for now.

God said to go is right. To go with His blessing. YEAH!!

Lord, give us Scotland!

2005-04-14T17:35:00.000+01:00

AmazingGrace I feel you coming on slowly now...

I was praying for Scotland the other day, listening to bagpipes playing Amazing Grace. I'm tempted to count the days until I get there... but then I remember that's also the amount of days till I leave Grahamstown behind forever.

I hope it's all going to be alright! I'm scared. There's pretty big things ahead for me!

I was reading this awesome book today called 'The Fire of Delayed Answers', which is all about suffering like you see it in Job, Lamentations, the Psalms... wow, what a meaty book. I just luurvvve ma Bible! It's so great to be learning about who God is, and getting to that place of trusting Him totally.

"To be certain of God is to be uncertain in all our ways" Oswald Chambers (who was Scottish by the way)!

TERM TWO in GRAHAMSTAD

2005-04-09T10:02:00.000+01:00

A Tale of Two Cities: A Tale of Two Cities

Well, hello. Still nobody knows I have a blogspot. First, I have to learn to use it. Eesh, this is big steps for me guys. Well!!
Just a little bit of my news - I have hit second term like a
hurricane! WOOHOO! Or maybe it hit me like one... this week has been a very thrilling one, to say the least, after a lovely week of holiday over Easter. I went up with a whole bunch of guys from Gtown to a very special wedding, Grahamstown home
grown - Ross and Camilla. They were married on Mills' farm near
Queenstown, amid beautiful oak trees in autumn splendour.

It is very bizarre to think of Ross being married.

So then Melissa and I went back to EL where half of Gtown had come for the holidays so lots of lurking on the beach and coffee shops and going to movies! It was great to see Janna and Denise. So our last night of holiday - at Melissa's house in Kleinmonde was a great break from people... the beach really does something in restoring my soul. it's so much easier to pray on the beach!!! Then of course it was grad weekend, always a happy time of seeing old friends! highlight was seeing Rick on Thursday night.

I am getting really itchy to go!!! Scotland is "burning on my heart" -
it's amazing what God has done in the passion factor in the past few months. It's funny to be feeling from time to time that I don't belong in Gtown anymore - only sometimes - but it happens. I feel like I'm a stone on a catapult and God is stretching the sling back and back and back... I'm absolutely mad to see what God is going to do. I just hope that by the time I go I'm not totally exhausted. I know the second half of the year is always more difficult than the first.

A Tale of Two Cities

2005-03-12T07:55:00.000Z

A Tale of Two Cities

Little me is lost in world of cyberspace, desperately trying to remember passwords and click on the right thing! Hope this works! I have been challenged by fellow blogger-best-friend Shirley Hobson to get my act together and post my news! So, not much has been happening recently... um... Year of Your Life is GREAT, IF you make sure you take Thursdays off! It's so awesome to know that I'm doing things which are forever, literally, eternal. sheesh. This weekend is really quiet - I'm working three shifts at the library, and in between (this afternoon) we are having our first CReAtive WoRShip meeting. Am really nervous because it's auditions. But not really auditions in front of Romona and Dean, in the REAL sense of things - it's offerings of worship for the King of Kings. I thought about doing a dance, but I couldn't get hold of the CD I wanted... so... I wrote. Finally wrote out something which has been hovering in my head for months. It's not original or even very revelationary, but it means a lot to me and to my God. I'll put it here soon!

A Tale of Two Cities

The Saga of the Skylight

3rd March 2006

February

Doubt that the Sun doth Shine...

Jenny P. and I tour Edinburgh

Royalty on The Royal Mile

Drinking Yuppie Yummy - Sorry Vicks!!

The Wind in the Winter

Jana 'n' Me

Cinderella Returns

Perhaps... pictures...

Recommended Reading

1/12/2005

Bleak House

This Post is awarded the Corny title of "Winter Wonderland"

The Back of Beyond

Be Strong - Take Heart - Wait for the Lord

I See Little People

Movie Review: Pride and Prejudice

I think it's Autumn

A Series of [?]fortunate Events

Heartbreak

Homes Sweet Homes - Some notes of thanks

Learning Scots

Edinburgh: Gateway to the Nations

Tent Maker Training 1

Stepping Out

Thought for the Day

What You Really Want to Know

Cry for Caledonia

Son Shining

Thirteenth Bed

Practically, South African

Peculiar Grace

Auld Reekie

How to be a Church Planting Tentmaker

The Lord who Sustains

Movie Review: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Progress Log

Postcards from Babylon

Land of Hope and Glory

Hiya! (Scots' Greeting)

Note to Self

Sojourn in Pretoria

Twenty six days to go

Lord, give us Scotland!

TERM TWO in GRAHAMSTAD

A Tale of Two Cities